So I have been really busy and not very xanga conscious lately...Sorry about that. Heres whats up in my life these days...

I am doing really bad in physics. Bad like I have never done before. But I am turning over a new leaf and I am gonna kick this class's butt. I am going actually study and try and keep up.

Football makes me really happy. Playing it that is. Football season is in full swing and already its been an exciting season. Lots has happened. Amazing plays, broken bones, bloody noses, near confrontations on the field, controversy...its good stuff, I really think that the Blenders should be the next big football movie.

I am loving the show the Office right now. It is so so so so so funny!! You could say I am a little addicted to it...

I have two jobs and this is a good thing. One of those jobs kinda makes me crazy. I feel public humiliation is a large part of the job because I feel like my boss doesn't trust me to do ANYTHING. But it is money and I am real short on that. So I continue to be publicly humilated. It happens to everyone.

Working at the hospital is really fun this year. I am working in the ER, basically for me that is livin the dream!! I don't care if I do the most menial tasks, I am in the ER! I really haven't seen much exciting stuff yet but I am where the action is and that is what I like! I hope it is a good learning experience for me. It really helps me to keep my eyes on my goal and remember why I am doing what I am doing. My desire to be a doctor has not lessened at any point, it just continues to grow. I can hardly wait.

Emotionally, I have been all over the place. Somedays I am really happy and others, just kinda bummed about life. I think part of my problem is that I need to be finding constant satisfaction in Jesus and not the things or people of this world. Things tend to make me really happy or really sad or really frustrated and certain situations have just really gotten me down when I think about them too much. So I really need to find my hope in my Saviour because he is never gonna fail me or disappoint me. Its hard to focus on him everyday though, and this is what I am working on right now.

There is this Copeland song, Hold Nothing Back, that is just awesome. I felt like it came straight from my head. I love songs like that.

I'm in physics lab right now. I should be paying attention to the educational science movie we are watching but the wireless internet is just too dang tempting. So I have realized I am paying 18,000 or so dollars a year to watch PBS. That is basically what my education is becoming. And sadly, I love watching movies in class. I guess because its better than listening to my professors?

School has been quite overwhelming but I have realized I need to give it to God. I am not quite sure how I am gonna do that but I am gonna do it. I am just gonna take things one day at a time. Otherwise I will get overwhelmed and have a breakdown and seriously who wants that.

I have been listening to a lot of blue october lately. They are AWESOME! I highly recommend everyone checking them out. I'm kinda addicted. They are so just passionate and raw and I just love it. And most of the songs on their CD Foiled just are so unique. Its good stuff.

The physics video has this creepy music and a lady who sounds like the elf queen or whatever from Lord of the Rings and earlier it was scaring me just a little. Its like mystical and mysterious, like we are recieving the secrets to the universe or something and its like urgent. Too bad I don't understand the secrets of the universe. That'd be neat.

Funny story. My roomie dropped a hand held mirror in our bathroom sink on Monday and it busted a huge piece out of the sink! Our porcelin sink. The repair guys had to come bust out the sink and are in the process of putting a complete new one in. It was pretty ridiculous and hilarious.

We are on the eve of Flag football season starting. Hallelujia!

I gotta go. I gotta pay attention to this video.

So I decided to unquit xanga. Even though I didn't officially quit it...hmmm.

It was actually Jeremy who has inspired me to continue on. And now that I am back at school maybe I can keep in touch with some of you?

Coming home for Mike's wedding was so super fun! Especially Saturday. Oh and Julie I had a really good time catching up with you. Its been too long and it was so fun to hang out. Also, it was so good to see just about everyone in one place and take as many photos of them as possible. Its kind of bittersweet being with everyone because I never know if and when it will happen again and everyone changes so much, some for the better, some not. But it still makes me happy overall.

Not gonna lie, Sunday was hard. I almost cried at church when saying goodbye to Holly and Dan. Actually, I pretty much spent most of Sunday on the verge of tears. Which is very strange for me. It was a combination of saying goodbye to everyone and a mild almost panic attack due to my physics homework. Add to that my brother wrecking his truck (he and the truck are fine), other family stresses, personal stresses due to confusion and frustration over relationships that make me feel lonely, and then hurting my ankle at Carol's. Not bad at all but I guess it was adding injury to insult? I hate saying goodbye. Not the act of saying goodbye but having to say goodbye. But if I have to go I want to say goodbye. Its good for me. But I do understand its easier for some people not to say goodbye. I'm beginning to understand.

Now I am back at school and struggling to stay afloat. Especially in my relationship with God. I'm struggling bad. God however is not absent. He has recently been reminding of his endless love and its all thats keeping me together.

Currently Listening We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes By Death Cab for Cutie see related

Sadly, the warm and fuzzy feeling has faded. Oh well, thats what happens. Especially when you are too busy to think straight.

I decided my favorite flower is the tropical water lily. I think I'm gonna have em at my wedding.

I can't not explain to you guys how much I love Death Cab for Cutie.

"Tiny Vessels"

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me [x2]

Currently Listening Composure By Waking Ashland see related

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same...

I love feeling warm and fuzzy inside...